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Today I had an experience that has become far too common for
my sense of rightness. I have finally had enough and must speak out. I was
having a private conversation with another adult today and three teenagers decided
to not only intrude on our conversation but proceeded to try and tell me how
wrong I was because like so many other young people; these three truly believed
they know everything there is to know. It was a conversation about parenting,
and more specifically about physical correction. By physical correction I mean
spanking and slapping. Now let me preface this by saying I am a survivor of
true child abuse. I mean actual beatings and the occasional attempted murder,
as well as surviving mental and emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and later on
being tormented at school. I have to say tormented because bullying is such a
gross understatement for what I endured. So these three kids first of all felt
it was alright to intrude on the conversation between adults. Now remember this
was not even a public discussion going on. Me and the woman who were talking
were whispering quietly to ourselves. As a survivor of real abuse it makes me
beyond angry and physically nauseous to hear people saying that spanking and slapping
when a wayward child is absolutely out of hand, abuse. That is not abuse. It is
not even close to abuse. One of these three teens actually had the gall to
explain that he took a psych class and that spanking was “lazy parenting”. I
shared that it some cases that might be true but it was far from being a
universal truth. One of the problems I have encountered with these entitled
younger generations is that they will believe anything told to them from a
book, or in a classroom just because someone is called “an expert” or a
professor and has a piece of paper called a degree, and has a string of all but
meaningless letters behind their name. These things do not impress me. I don’t
fall for every bit of propaganda that someone tells me just because they say it
in the front of a classroom, or in a text book. I am impressed by real world
life experience, and by true intelligence.
Young people if you read this please really try and hear and
understand what I am telling you! Don’t believe everything you are told.
Question everything. Research everything. And by research I don’t just mean in
a book. I mean go find people with real world experience, preferably older
people and speak with them. Learn from them. And please understand this because
it is one of life’s greatest truths! Just because something works for you or is
true for you, does NOT make it true or right or good for everyone else on this
planet. Sometimes your opinion and your truth is just that….your opinion and
your truth. That does not make it a universal truth. It does not mean that
everyone has to agree with you. Not everyone is ever going to agree with you
all the time about everything.
I would also like to say this…Don’t speak for other people
and on their behalf if they have not asked you to. I as an adult survivor of
actual child abuse do not appreciate you trying to speak on my behalf.
I was explaining the differences between the abuse I
suffered at the hands of my sperm-donor and the loving spanking I received from
my grandparents when I was little. Now my grandparents did not doll out
physical punishment constantly. It was a rare and serious occasion when it
happened. Each and every time it happened, I can honestly say with no
reservation that it was because I really deserved it. I explained how different
it was from the real abuse I endured and tried to explain the various nuances.
I was of course cut off. I was dismissed and again metaphorically spit upon.
The idea that these children believed that they had the
right to speak over me, to speak for me, to even attempt to talk on behalf when
they did not live my life or any life but their own really got under my skin. I
mean I was so angry that had a very little boy who is very sweet and sensitive
not been there, I probably would have gotten up and dished out some much needed
back-handings. I mean really…who the f*ck did these little entitled arrogant
know it all narcissistic brats think they there speaking for me, and just who
did they think they were talking to?!
When I was little there were things that were just not done
and the world was a better place in many ways. Children did not jump in on the conversations
of adults. It just was not done. And a person did not just jump in on private
conversations. The fact that these young people did not know this and had never
been taught that made me angry at the idiots who raised them. I don’t care how
well intentioned someone is, there are certain things that are just not
acceptable behavior. When your behavior is hurting other people it needs to
stop. Sadly these young people don’t understand that sometimes children who
start acting a fool in certain situations need to be physically corrected. A
spank or a slap carried out in the appropriate manner is not abuse, and nor is
it lazy parenting. It is loving and just. It is meant to sting, to get the
child’s attention, to warn the child, to cause some physical discomfort or even
a little pain so that the child understands that it did something very wrong
and that society will not tolerate behavior like that. Now we have a nation of
whiney brats. Many of them are writing books, teaching in university class
rooms, and working in positions of power in the government. Many of them run
social services and they are going around telling people that physical
discipline is abuse. Again as a survivor of actual child abuse this is an
absolute insult and diminishment of what I lived through and experienced. This
has created a nation where people when they don’t get their way will in mass
take to the streets, disrupt society like the brats they are, destroy people’s
business and livelihoods, and murder people and authority figures like cops.
We have created a nation where these people think they have
he right to murder people if they don’t get their way. Let that sink in folks.
This is what happens when you give every kid a trophy just for participation.
This is what happens when they are not disciplined. This is what happens when
people are not taught better. This is what happens with policies like “no child
left behind”.
I went on to try and explain to these people that time outs
and removing a kind from the situation doesn’t always work. I wanted to add
that it was not always appropriate. Because removing a child sometimes teaches
them that you have a right to leave every single situation you don’t like
instead of facing it head on. I wanted to add that allowing the child to get
away with everything with no real consequences of any kind teaches the child
that can do whatever it wants. I wanted to say sometimes that kind of parenting
is not only stupid but down right dangerous. These idiots out in the world
writing their psychology books are part of the systemic problem we have now. These
people were mocking what I lived through and didn’t even begin to understand
that on a basic level or in any real way.
I was told by these young people that there are things
besides time outs. Things like giving the child a set of options and choices. I
tried to explain that when I was little that style of parenting would not have
worked on or with me. They would not hear me. When I was little if an adult had
said go to your room, or time out, or removed me from the situation or given me
choices; I would have laughed at their idiocy. Oh really you want me to go to
my room, well my bedroom was like going to Disneyland.
Let’s go. Oh you want me to have a time out to, where I can sit there and think
about how stupid you are. Fine by me, I will sit and simmer in my anger towards
you. Oh you want to remove me from the situation, well great…thanks for giving
me exactly what I wanted…so kind of you. Oh you want to give me choices and
options. Ok I choose to say f*ck you and all your options and choices and
decide my own. These are the things that would have gone through my head when I
was little at this no REAL consequences style of free-for-all parenting when I
was little. That crap would not have worked with me. I said to these young
people, if this is working with your child that is fantastic and God bless go
to, but it doesn’t work with every child. It would not have worked on me at
all. To paint all children, all parents, all families, and all situations with
the same brush and say everyone is exactly the same and is going to respond the
same to the same things is not only stupidity but utterly dangerous and what’s
more is that it is wicked and wrong to do so.
They corrected my obvious errors and said that how dare I
raise my voice to them and disagree with them. Oh yes how dare I. Well I dare.
How dare they try and say that one size parenting fits all. How dare they say
that I don’t know my own life or what happened to me, and that it is they and
not I who are entitled to opinions about my life and my experiences.
My tormentors in school were for the most part entitled brats
whose wealthy parents who were educated in class rooms which called spanking
bad and lazy. These entitled brats learned that they had no consequences to
their bad doings. In turn they learned that it was ok to treat people however
you want to. They learned that other people didn’t matter. They learned it was
ok to torment people. They learned it was ok to try and destroy that person and
their very soul. I used to look at my tormentors and think, you were never
spanked as a child which is why you don’t know this is wrong.
These same type of people were sitting in front of me and
explaining to me that because of what they read in books, and learned in their
collage classrooms that I was wrong and they were the only right ones. They
told me that my life experience in the real world was wrong. They acted as if I
was telling them how to raise their children. Yes these babies have babies.
Another consequence of not having parents who taught them better. People always
say that scripture says spare the rod and spoil and the child. While the saying
itself is true, that is not what scripture itself says. Scripture actually says
that those who spare the rod despises the child’s soul. That is because it was
universally understood that children who are not taught how to behave, how to
think for themselves and be able to reason out what is correct and right and
good and just grow up to be very bad people indeed. They grow up to be people
who are spoiled. People who have turned rotten like food years past its sell by
date with putrid colored fuzz growing on it in abandoned refrigerators left in
abandoned houses or ally ways.
I tried to explain to these young people that I was so happy
for them that they got lucky with a little boy who was so very good natured and
sweet even if he was not perfect, that they could get away with that style of
parenting with him. I believe that they got blessed indeed. Though I don’t know
what he will be like when he is a teenager because of what he is being taught
and also what he is not being taught. I hope he turns out well and good. I was
met with the comments that it was not being blessed but the fact they took to
time to go through these “proper” “parenting” techniques with him.
Again I was dismissed as if I as a human being was nothing.
They metaphorically spit on me…spit venom on me, and slapped me over and over
again. This happened because their schools which they have been brainwashed to
believe no matter what told them that it was ok to treat other people that way.
This happened because their own parents never taught them that treating a
fellow human being this way was alright. My grandparents who had to raise me
from the time I was 12 on, were called by these people lazy parents. When there
are no two people in the entire world less lazy than these people are close to
being saints. I really wanted to slap them after they said that.
When they finally left our house in a huff like we are the
ones who did something wrong I was left with all this rage and un-rest and this
horrible energy in our house. It had been a spiritual and emotional and mental
war unleashed on us, and visited upon us from these people. These people who
don’t have the first clue about life itself. These atheistic people who don’t
believe in God and show it with their sad lives, and their ignorance. These
people who assaulted me and left me wounded and bleeding metaphorically
speaking. I spoke up for myself but not loud enough and not firmly enough
because I was trying to protect the smallest child in the room.
So as I write these words and post them, I am taking my
power back and finding the healing that I need. People, just because something
is your opinion doesn’t make it true. It doesn’t make it a universal rule that
every can or should live by. And especially when you are young, don’t be
deceived into believing that you are better or know more than those who have
lived longer than you have been alive. In our society we have made grave error
in dismissing the wisdom of our elders. We were wrong to just brush them aside
as if they don’t matter. We were wrong not to protect them and care for them
properly.
It is not alright to go around treating people badly. At
some pointed during this horrible day it was explained to me that slapping an
adult was assault and slapping a child was not in my opinion. What I never got
the chance to say was that, the fact we have created a society where slapping
an adult is actually called an assault is repugnant and wrong. They told this
to someone who has in the past been beaten, stolen from, strangled, stabbed,
had guns held on them, and been scorned, threatened, and assaulted on every
level. The fact people think slapping someone is in any way similar to an
assault is exactly part of the huge problem with our society.When I was young people did not act in mass in the horrible way they do now. So to me the proof is in the pudding. You can quote all the studies that you want to and it doesn't matter a hill of beans if the studies are shown by action and by history to be wrong.
In some ways we are getting better, but in other ways we are
getting so so so much worse.
I hold on to the hope that one day sanity and reason will
reign again.
After these people left my house I used what little strength
and energy I had left to cleanse my home and pray over it. I called other
people to pray for cleansing, love, light, and peace as well. I did not have
the energy left to fully cleanse my house the way it truly needed it at that
point to get all the evil residue from those people out of my abode. They
sucked a lot of my energy out like little vampires. What’s worse is that I as
an energy worker should not have let it happen. I should not have allowed that
kind of behavior to go on unchallenged in my own house. I did it however for
the sake of a small child. I took comfort from that. I will do more cleansing
work tomorrow.
I had to start writing this before bed and get it all out of
me. I needed to put this out in the world to try and start helping people
understand. What you do and say has real life affects on other people. What you
say, think, and do matters. How you treat people matters. It all has real life
consequences, even if you are not the one who always has to pay for them.
People please start treating your fellow man better, with
more compassion and more respect and stop just DISMISSING other people. Just
because you don’t agree with them doesn’t make them wrong or you right.
Sometimes it is not even about being right or wrong. Sometimes it is just about
listening and bearing witness. Sometimes it is about trying to walk in someone
else’s shoes. Sometimes it is about making other people feel like they have
truly been heard. Sometimes that is the only thing that will make us all better
people and truly heal our world.
Please remember that sometimes you don’t know it all and you
don’t have to talk. You just have to be there with an open heart and an open
mind and with sacredness and love and compassion and empathy…you just and only
have to listen!
Thank you if you have taken the time to read through this
entire thing. Thank you if you have taken the time to listen.
Listen to God
Listen to Nature
Listen to yourself
Listen to your friends and loved ones
Listen to other people,
and not just the sound of your own voice
Listen to those you disagree with
Don't just hear, really listen
Listen
Listen with both sets of ears
and listen with all that you are
LISTEN
with sacredness and with intent
I leave you to listen to the thoughts of a great mind, of a once great man
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