Life is for the Living...so get on with it!

I have a few things to say that I have always wanted to say...so here it goes, my rant for the day lol...


Have you ever just felt like an outsider, like an alien....a complete stranger set adrift a sea of people you don't know and don't know if you want to know? Have you ever felt different from everyone else...non-human perhaps? My whole life I have never felt like a human really....not a man or a woman. I have always just felt like a spirit. A spirit who happens to have been born into a human body....a male human body. I see myself getting older in the mirror but I don't feel any older. I stopped aging inside at age 19 and I believe I will be 19 forever! I look at the world around me and I don't feel connected to it at all. It's like I am always waiting for something else...the next world perhaps; and there is one, or maybe for something to happen. I don't know what that something is however. I spent most of my life being quiet, tip toeing around people, walking on egg shells. I spent most of my life watching and listening to other people as they lived their lives. My own life has sort of drifted by, and I feel disconnected from most of the events through out my life...the good, the bad, and the indifferent. It's as if most of my life has passed by me and I watched it like a movie. There used to be this television show called "My so-called life" in which there was a nerdy boy character. He used to take pictures all the time and he said something that has always stuck with me. He said basically that being a photographer appealed to him because he could watch life without actually being a part of it. I don't know if I like it or not but I know I have always felt like this; sort of numb in a way. I feel as if I have been asleep always and I am really just beginning to wake up. Perhaps it is time to join the human race and start living....So that when I leave this world my life will be a testament to the lyrics I did it my way, and they won't have to play the song at what I am sure will be a very small memorial service. I have heard so many great lines about living in the past several years. One that comes to mind at this moment is from the film adaptation of  Stephen King's Shawshank Redemption... "Get busy living or get busy dying". I heard another one. Life is for the living so get on with it! I can't recall where I heard that one but it is true I think. I grew up seeing the dead and on several occasions talking to them. Recently I have watched the rise in paranormal ghost hunting shows and medium shows. I will never understand why so many people try and seek out the dead, as if the dead where going to tell them anything truly profound. Why would they? They had to live and die within this mystery called life. Do people actually think that the dead won't make them earn with faith the answers to the afterlife, just as they themselves had to earn? Even if the dead could tell us everything we think we want to know I don't believe for a minute that they would. What baffles me though is how all of these people go seeking out the dead...death...instead of seeking life. Stop worrying about talking to the dead people....and do something really relevant and important....seek out life! Go talk to the living...they are usually much more interesting and have no problems revealing all their flaws; even if they don't mean to reveal them. It has been said that God is in the details. If that is true than God can surely then be seen in all of our many many beautiful imperfections! Those are details worth hunting; those are the mysteries we should seek to know! Make mistakes and learn from them, Make choices and see where your decisions lead you...I promise you this...it is far more interesting than chasing after the dead. We will all be the dead someday and then we can talk to others of our kind. Perhaps they will say something profound to us then. If you have ever felt as I do...a stranger in a strange land...just know you are not alone. Many of us I think have felt that way at one time or another. We can discover ourselves and each other...it's possible. Perhaps knowing it's possible will be enough to make you feel less alone. Go out and Live...seek life...and perhaps now and then remember to be thankful for the chance to be alive....Life is an adventure after all; if only you let yourself see it that way!

Thanks for letting me rant about my strange and perhaps to honest feelings...but then...I spent so much of my life not living authentically I can't keep quiet or walk on egg shells anymore! I have a life to live you see!